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Fun fact: Neil Armstrong spoke his "one small step for man" line on a Motorola radio.
Fun fact: This ad for the Motorola Droid is so insultingly terrible, it's making me feel retroactively angry at Neil Armstrong for using one of their products.
In this promo, we witness Motorola unleashing fleets of stealth fighters to carpet-bomb small-town America with flaming steel orbs. Somehow, this is supposed to make us excited to buy telephones. Between the massive waste of resources, the indiscriminate property damage, the close similarity between Motorola's delivery system and a all-out terrorist attack, and the insinuation that everyone living in rural areas is a clueless bumpkin who doesn't know what a cell phone is, it's safe to call this boycott officially on.
Let's assume for a moment that Motorola really does keep a fleet of delivery bombers on hand. That doesn't mean that they are the most efficient or cost-effective means of delivering a 3-ounce product. Fed-Ex is probably still your best bet. Remember, Motorola, just because you can do a thing, that doesn't mean that you should do that thing. The stockholders might have something to say to the board of directors about the fact that your product roll-out cost $763 billion.
The fact that they didn't warn the public that this was about to happen is at best dangerously irresponsible and at worst an all-out act of war. According to Motorola's web site, their mission statement is, "We are a global communications leader powered by a passion to invent and an unceasing commitment to advance the way the world connects." According to this commercial, their mission statement is, "Guess what, fuckers? TELEPHONES!!"
And at the end of the day -- and at the beginning and middle -- it's a phone. The tech has been a ubiquitous part of our landscape for years now, and as slick and shiny as the Droid is, it's nothing we haven't seen before. It probably works great and will no doubt sell like ping-pong balls in a Korean cat house, but trying to sell me on the idea that it's super alien technology that's going to crack my head apart with the sheer thrusting power of its otherworldly awesome puts a hot little red pepper of rage in my ass. Insult my ability to understand a telephone, Motorola, and you've successfully kept my dollars from your coffers.
Chances I will buy a Motorola Droid thanks to this ad: In 2012, they plan to release Droid.2 with an army of giant laser crabs.
10 comments:
It's the Thursday Throwdown effect personified. Ever since I found this blog, when I see an awful commercial, I think I should find it on YouTube and send it here. When I saw this commercial, I forgot the existence of other awful commercials, as this took it to a new level.
Since they don't actually tell you what their product is, but it seems to be roundish and and is given special personal delivery, I'm going to say that this is now the worst pizza commercial ever.
*sighs* One again I find myself longing for the commercials of the 70s and 80s.
Dear Adnoxious, could you do one blog post showing the good commercials of the past, pretty please? To take the taste of these horrible ones out of our mouth.
*walks off singing* "I'm a Pepper, she's a Pepper, wouldn't you like to be a Pepper too?"
WTF? Now I'm supposed to look at the telephone as a killing machine? A hi-tech devise that could be used as a weapon? A way to support out troops? A phone manly enough to scare horses in the exact same way that anything falling from the sky like a bomb would kill horses?
And here I was still just trying to get over the lameness of the Quiznos Talking Toaster and the Hillbilly Hot Tub ads they're running.
I believe I'm on overload now.
To be fair, the country dwellers depicted in this ad could be very tech-savvy. Their WTF reactions would still be perfectly understandably, what with strange capsules falling from the sky, burrowing in the earth and popping out unfamiliar devices. Could be cell phones, could be bombs disguised as cell phones, who knows? (As a tech-savvy rural person, "WTF" would probably be my response, followed by calling the authorities on my low-tech but functional... um, okay, it's a Motorola. You can call people on it, and also play a really bad game of Pong if you feel inspired. My cell phones don't need to be state-of-the-art. I hate talking on the phone.)
But yeah, the insinuation is there. Which is annoying. Not quite as annoying as the Droid's iDon't ads, but close.
Trying to wrap my head around the 'ping-pong balls in a Korean cat house' thing.
What I'm coming up with is fairly disturbing yet highly erotic.
Not sure if that's what you were going for there.
Verizon commercials have a tendency to be bad. I can't even think of a Verizon commercial that I've liked. Part of it's the annoying spokesperson guy with the glasses. Part of it's just because their dumb.
I gave up my cell phone over a year ago. I grew tired of the constant interruptions. Plus, I could never figure out how to send a text message. I'm not the brightest bulb on the technology tree.
I respect your cruisade against bad ads. You go, man!
I'll admit it, if you hadn't told me ahead of time that it was an advert for a phone, I wouldn't have known what it was for - but then I'm not watching it on a big screen or anything so maybe the details of what's in the podlet would be more obvious, if I were.
In any case, it reminds me an awful lot of the second Mr. Plow advert.
This is for a phone? I saw the ad on television and thought it was the newest SyFy "we've got $50 and 2 hours of open time!" version of Tremors....
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